The People at Your Super Bowl Party

Chances are, you’re going to be at a Super Bowl Party today and here are the people you will meet:

1. The People Who Don’t Give a Crap About the Game.  This is 90% of the people at the party. But, the Super Bowl’s a tradition and there’s a party. Might as well go. They’re all still pissed because their team lost by a touchdown in the playoffs. They’ll have a few wings, drink a few beers and leave before the end of the forth quarter because the game will be a blowout. Gotta work tomorrow. 

2. The Guy Who Only Cares About the Commercials. Shhhhh! Shhhhhh! SHHHHH! That’s him during every commercial break. I hate that guy. Kick him in the balls.

3. The One Guy Who Actually Cares About the Game. While everyone is chit-chatting about work and stuff, he’ll let out a huge “Whooooooooooooo!” and freak everybody out. For some reason he grew up in the home town of one of the teams and he has to show it off with the jersey he just bought from Wal Mart.

4. The Guy Who Doesn’t Know Anybody. Most Super Bowl parties are work or school related so everyone there kind of knows each other. But there’s always that one guys who’s someone’s friend from out of town or someone’s date. People try to talk with him about sports but soon they give up and this guy just ends up creeping everybody out.

5. The People Who Only Care About the Halftime Show.  Nothing wrong with that. Bruce Springsteen is playing this year. I wonder if he’ll make one of his boring monologues between songs like at his concerts. It will sound like this, “Growing up in New Jersey, we didn’t have a lot of money. One year my Dad bought a big screen TV to watch the Super Bowl and even though we couldn’t afford it, it didn’t matter because blah, blah, blah.” Who gives a shit Bruce? Sing your crappy heartfelt songs that rhyme “school” and “fool” so well. 

6. The Super Gay Person. Not a textbook homosexual, but the artsy person who hates sports and makes ironic humor about how absurd football and society really is.

7. The Asshole. Drinks too much. Bitches about how the commercials suck. Pukes. Starts a fight. Gets a DUI. Everyone tries to act cool about it next time they see him or her.

8. The Person Who Insists on Standing. He shows up late. All the seats are taken. The host tries to find a chair but this person would rather stand. Others offer their seat, but he still would rather stand. Usually he’ll say, “I’ve been sitting all day” or something like that.

9. The Host. Orders way too much food. Tries to give it away as people leave. 

10. The Person Who Has 2 More Parties to Go To. Usually a hot chick who’s bored so she’ll leave early and say she just thought she’d stop by because she promised a brother or friend she would “stop by” their parties too. She’ll usually end up taking at least 3 of your guests with her (usually dudes trying to get with her).

That’s all I got. Please feel free to add more in the comments section.